


Looking Gray

by Musogato



Category: The Daevabad Trilogy - S. A. Chakraborty
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Post-Book 3: Empire of Gold, Spoilers for The Empire of Gold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24988957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musogato/pseuds/Musogato
Summary: Hatset once said that your appearance shapes your public image, and a year and a half after saving Daevabad, Ali struggles with the what ifs of how things used to be. (SPOILERS)
Relationships: Nahri e-Nahid/Alizayd al Qahtani
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	Looking Gray

The room was empty, save for him. A meeting with delegates had been rescheduled, granting Ali a rare hour of peace. He considered catching up with other work, or visiting his river, but a recent find in the palace consumed his thoughts and made the choice clear. 

He sat now before a table, looking down at the small gray vial. The liquid inside churned and shimmered, the magic still viable after so many years. It was a miracle it even survived. Found in a chest that had belonged to his father, it somehow escaped the palace sacking unharmed. He stared at his reflection in the mirror in front of him. His facial features had sharpened a bit more, still maturing despite reaching his first quarter century. But what drew his attention, always, were his eyes. Dappled gold and black with pupils that narrowed into slits when angered or from bright light. Eyes that glowed yellow in the day and an eerie red at night. Predatory eyes that terrified everyone that met him. 

He lowered his gaze with a scowl. _It wasn't always this way._ He looked again at the vial. It had been for a shapeshifter spy in his father's employ that was unable to shift into the correct color. Wherever he was now, he wouldn't be needing it. Ali reached out for the vial and then hesitated, his fingers curling. _This is selfish. It won't change anything._ He breathed in deeply, avoiding the mirror's gaze. But then his facade cracked and he grabbed it. 

Turning away, he popped the cork with effort and stared into the swirling mixture. It really was beautiful, the creamy liquid silver twisting in a never-ending dance. He raised it above him and lifted his gaze. It would only take a drop. The last time he had used such a potion, nearly a decade ago, it was to transform his eyes into Ayaanle gold. Back then it had burned terribly, but after all Ali has suffered through in the years since, the sting in his eyes now was barely a blip. He set the potion down on the table and blinked to clear his eyes. Aside from the sting, he didn't feel any different. Maybe it didn't work. 

He closed his eyes and faced the mirror. _This is dumb. You're just wasting time._ He took another deep breath and opened his eyes. His vision was slightly blurred but it focused as his eyes crept up his reflection. His dark gray robe, his beard that Nahri had recently helped trim, his long nose. He paused. He could see the whites of his eyes in his peripheral vision, and that alone made his throat catch. 

He swallowed and looked up to see warm gray eyes staring back at him. Eyes that he had once shared with his brother, his father, and so many of his Geziri brethren. Eyes that had marked him as a djinn, a zulfiqari, a Qahtani prince that had befriended and fallen for a Banu Nahida. 

He abruptly lost the battle with his tears and his face crumpled. _This was a mistake._ His hand covered his face, fingertips pressed into his brow, but he couldn't tear his sight from those gray eyes. How much easier would things be if he still looked like that? Dealing with delegates, walking down the street, chatting with others without terrifying them into silence. Quietly contemplating the traits future children might have. _  
_

"Ali! Have you seen my scroll? The red one?" 

Ali swore and dove for the vial. It clacked loudly against the table and he flinched. In the mirror he could see Nahri appear behind him. He closed his eyes. "I haven't seen it. Did you leave it in a hospital meeting?" 

There was a long moment of silence. He could feel her gaze on his back. He took a shallow breath. 

"Ali, what are you doing?" He could hear her shift, fabric rustling as if she had crossed her arms. He pursed his lips. 

Hiding the vial in his palm behind his back, he spun around and smiled, keeping his eyes closed. "Nothing! Just getting ready for another meeting."

There was another pause. 

"Why are your eyes closed." Nahri's voice was cold, threaded with apprehension. 

He flinched, flashing back to their time in Ta Ntry two years before. The monsoon marid that had possessed him and tried to fool Nahri by hiding how his eyes had been altered. He exhaled with a frown and opened his eyes, keeping his gaze locked on the floor. Nahri immediately stepped forward, shock on her face as she lifted his chin. 

"Ali, what--" Her eyes met his, emotion swirling as she took in the gray. "How did this…" She suddenly closed her mouth, eyes flicking to the mirror behind him. He tightened his grip on the vial, realizing moments too late that doing so had given him away.

Nahri's gaze became tainted with pity. "Oh, Ali…" She cradled his face with one hand and braced his arm with the other. 

"I wanted to see how it looked," he whispered, voice thick in his throat. She pulled him toward a low bench and they sunk into the cushions. "I'm so tired of everyone being afraid of me. Every room, Nahru, it's always the same. And the things they say when they think I can't hear them…"

She brushed the tears from his cheeks and gave him a sad smile. "To be fair, Ali, they were afraid of you like this, too."

He glowered at her and she chuckled softly. Her hands lingered on his face, her eyes searching his. 

"It is a trip though, to see you like this," she whispered. Her fingers traced over his brow, pushing back at his frowning creases. "Whenever you wore gold, it would bring out the warmth in them. And if you were by the water it would reflect the light like a pool. It was beautiful." She brushed his cheek once more before dropping her hands to cover his. 

He sighed, emotion swirling in his face. "At least back then the crocodile comments weren't so literal. I'm-- monstrous now."

She squeezed his hand. "It's not that bad. It's just different." Her smile turned mischievous. "Besides, now I can see where you are in the dark."

His lip quirked upward at that, a blush stealing into his cheeks, and she smirked victoriously. "There you are." 

She eased open his hand and took hold of the vial. The shimmering cosmetic, so much like the ones she was offered in the past to hide her shafit features. Like the ones she was offered now to hide her scars from the war. She set it on the low table behind her with a disdainful clunk. Nahri turned back to face him, sliding her hands into his, her thumb caressing his wedding ring. "We are who we are, Ali. And I love _you,_ scales and all."

He smiled softly at her, trying and failing to contain his emotions. He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed them, her sleeve sliding back to reveal scales of her own. "I'm sorry for my weakness."

Nahri brushed his cheek and then leaned in to softly kiss him. "Don't be. Just--" She paused, then frowned. "I missed my meeting."

Ali took a short breath and bit his lip. "With that Agnivanshi supplier? That was leaving today?" 

Nahri pursed her lips and nodded. "That's the one."

Ali squeezed her hand. "Convince them to stay. I will bring dinner and take them home through the currents."

Her gaze softened. "See what a good team we make?"

He smiled back. "Best in Daevabad."

She stood up, hands still entwined in his. Her eyes were searching his and as the moment stretched on, Ali began to worry. Finally she spoke. "I miss how some things used to be too. But we can't go back. There's only forward."

He nodded mutely and Nahri planted another kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you soon."

She squeezed his hand and left. 

Ali exhaled slowly and looked at the vial. After a long moment he rose. Picking up the vial, he carried it back to the other table, placing it carefully into his father's old box. And with one last look into his gray-eyed reflection, he shut the lid for good. 

**Author's Note:**

> Gotta work through these croc eyes somehow, right? This was actually written in early June, since I read the ARC. But hey, happy Empire of Gold release! 🥳


End file.
